Here's the link to my TEDx Talk on body positivity and fatphobia that was recently posted to YouTube! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFd0Bo0cH6E
If you scroll down to the comments, you may notice an overwhelming amount of criticism, hatred, and fatphobia in reaction to my talk. I recommend stopping yourself before you delve too far into all that negativity–I made that mistake.
It was on a Wednesday night that I realized my talk had been published on YouTube. When I clicked the link, there were already 5,000 views. I couldn't believe it–nearly 5,000 people had watched my talk, which I had originally given to an audience of maybe 200! And then I saw that over 300 people had commented–so naturally, I scrolled down to see their thoughts. On the day of my talk, the only feedback I had gotten in person was positive. My friends had come to support me, and strangers and parents came up to me to express how thought-provoking my talk had been. I guess I was expecting similar types of feedback online… Instead, I'm not lying to you when I say that of 300 comments, there was not a single positive one at the time.
Some comments criticized the fact that I brought up race in a talk about fatphobia. Of course, as with all social justice issues, we can't talk about one identity without talking about the relationship it has to others. Race, specifically, is a master status in the U.S.–an identity that affects the experiences of all other identities. Others were bringing up the health issues that come along with obesity, and accused me of glorifying obesity. I think they missed the point of the talk. Still others poked at my age, saying that I wasn't qualified to give a TEDx Talk. Whereas I don’t think age has any bearing on my qualifications, considering my extensive research and dedication to this issue.
I just sank to the floor, and felt paralyzed, honestly. I felt like the accomplishment, worthiness, and power I had been feeling after giving my talk had been pulled out from under me by 300 people I didn't know. I wasn't prepared for that.
That night was a process of picking myself up and putting myself back together. Over the next few days, I received an incredible outpour of support from friends, family, and total strangers on the Internet. I processed my feelings, and then got past all the negativity. And here are a few things I learned, with the help of my friends, that got me through it.
1) Even if only one person benefits from my work, it will have been worth it.
I remember toward the beginning of the process of writing my talk, I was nervous about how people would receive it. But I also remember saying to myself–even if only one person's life is changed because of this, it'll be worth it. I know I needed to hear this when I was younger, and I know there are people out there that are grateful they did hear it. Trolls can be really vocal and take over the comment section, but their voices aren’t necessarily representative of the general population. My talk now has over 50K views, so 300 negative comments is a fraction of that. When you have something meaningful to share, think about how your younger self would’ve felt hearing you share it. Think about that one person who’s whole world might change because of your words, and let that carry you through all the negativity.
2) Some of the things that most need to be shared in this world garner a lot of negativity, too.
I see part of my life's purpose as opening other people's eyes to truth–you know, speaking truth to power. And in a world with so many systems that aim to hide the truth, the truth can be hard for people to receive. That's why when people say that "black lives matter," people are so quick to respond with "all lives matter." That's why when we talk about the racial wealth gap, people are quick to point out POC celebrities to refute that argument. So I ended up having to find strength in who I am, and in my argument, knowing that if I'm saying something important, there are always going to be haters. And if all the powerful change makers out there, the people I aim to be like, listened to the haters, the world would be a very different place. This point leads me to...
3) They hated Jesus because he told them the truth.
One of my friends referred to this meme in an effort to make me feel better–and it cracked me up and totally worked. In all seriousness, I'm not Christian and this point isn't really about Jesus. It's more about the fact that when someone speaks the truth in a way that most people haven't heard before, people tend to get outraged because their entire worldview has been challenged. I mean, I'm imagining someone who has spent all 30 years of their life so far dieting and working to lose weight and hating their body, for example. If they listened to my speech after all the effort they put into trying to change their body and after all the pain and suffering that came from that–it wouldn't be easy. It means admitting that a lot of what our capitalist lives are based on is superficial and harmful. It can be easier to hate, and reject this truth. That's where a lot of haters are coming from. But it doesn't change the fact that what I'm saying is extensively researched and extremely important. So keep that meme in mind the next time you get hate for sharing your truth.
4) Every act, every word, every speech you give is a drop in the bucket that could one day spill over.
One of my other friends iterated this for me, and it gave me a lot of perspective. Because when we're talking about diet culture and fatphobia, stuff that has been ingrained in our heads to be "truth" for decades and reinforced by every arm of society possible, it's not always possible to change people's minds with just one talk. But it is a drop in the bucket. And over time, as people start to read more articles debunking the "obesity epidemic," as people start to tire of hating their bodies and seek a different path, as people see body positive influencers on Instagram–the bucket will begin to fill up, and it might overflow and change their lives one day. Be that drop in someone’s bucket that might one day overflow, and speak up for what you believe in..
So I hope that you go out there and keep using your voice to speak truth to power. There’s always room to grow and learn, of course–but don’t let anyone else tell you that your voice doesn’t matter. It always does, to someone, somewhere, even if you don’t realize it right away.